5 AM

So.  Apparently it's my new habit, my new thing, to wake up around 5 in the morning and not be able to get back to sleep for a while.  Just a fascinating new development in my eternal cycle of sleep/not sleep.  Ah, well, it could be worse.  I'd much rather awaken now and know that sleep will return than struggle to sleep in the first place (which I have also done on many occasions.)

And I'm not waking up in a panic, which I have now experienced one too many times.  That is, once.  And I wasn't exactly aware until later of the panicking part, but I know it now and that's enough.  You see, the other week I needed something out of my 'sent message' folder and found an email that I had apparently gotten up that morning and sent without realizing it:

it's not a dream i am awake and in my bed

it'd not a dream i am awake and in my bed

it's not a dream i am awake and in my bed

not on a table not like this not like this

i am awake and in my bed

i am awake and in my be

too much too much toomuch

i am aawake and in my bed i am awake and in my bed i am aawake and in my bed i am aawake and in my bed

 

 

Bad poetry but a simple sentiment.  And reading it absolutely fucking terrified me.  And I'm still not one hundred per cent sure what prompted it, although I have an idea.

 

I seldom remember my dreams.  For a short time, we tried to change that.

 

And now I'm leaving it alone.

 

But I still wake up around 5 AM.