Sunday, February 24, 2013

Dilemma - Part 2

I'd like to thank the several very sensible people who have talked with me today, all of whom very rationally pointed out to me that trying to keep future badness from happening by starting fires meant that I was avoiding acceptance of both the situation as well as my feelings.  So no burning bridges.


I do have something I want to say however, and as I suspect that I will never have the opportunity to do it in private, here it is in public:

You say you cannot give me what I want, which is odd, because what I wanted was exactly what I thought I already had.  What I wanted was the eventual resolution that you said was already in motion.  It never occured to me that the outcome you meant was my sacrifice and not my integration.

I want something different now.  I want honesty and respect (both of which I thought I already had,) a display of some sort of ability to handle the situation like an adult, and a show of intelligence.  I believe that I will get these things, and for that, I thank you.

I need one question answered:  why is friendship impossible?  Because not being considered a pariah and a persona non grata would go a long way in preventing me from hating you.

That's all.  No fireworks, no revelations, no crying hysteria (where anyone can see it.)  The only part of this mess that I will air is my own, because ultimately lashing out would just make me feel even stupider and less capable than I already feel.

But I'm not saying that there won't be a "dilemma - part 3" either.

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