Some ideas are bad and some ideas are very bad; some ideas are so bad they're good, just ask anyone who's seen Point Break if that's not true. My bad idea that seems good for today is to write a blog whilst in trance, a trance of my own making, (which, really, isn't that different from normal writing), but comes with certain parameters that I normally follow lifted. For instance, although I have written previously about how people do not get to randomly ambush me, I don't think I've ever come out and admitted that (for people who I have accepted) being ambushed is one of my biggest turn-ons ever. And, while I've talked about what personality types in a hypnotist annoy the shit out of me, I've never gotten into the types that I really, really dig. Because the more I expose about myself the more vulnerable I am, right? But that's the point today, being vulnerable. I know people who won't write (or act or sing or dance or pretty much create anything) because they think it will expose too much of themselves to strangers. And they are correct, but it is exposure from a place of anonymity (as any comment troll can tell you), and is massively liberating once you get into the habit of doing it.
This happened today. I wussed out of going to a funeral for someone with whom I was a friendly acquaintance but not really a friend. I intended to go. I got my shift at work covered, I had my outfit planned, I had the directions written out. Then I started thinking about how I was going to have to look at the body of someone who in my mind is still alive. I haven't figured out yet how he can actually be dead. It makes no sense to me. And the more I thought about the body, the more I didn't want to go, and finally I admitted that I was a chicken-shit and stayed home. I worry as I write this that most people will be horrified, and that people who thought they were getting to know me will think less of me for my cowardice. It matters to me what people think, but if I had to choose right now if I were going or not I still wouldn't. I can't reconcile in my mind the idea that looking at a man's shell makes the situation better.
And I started thinking that here, on the internet, that is all we are really doing, is looking at someone's shell. And not even the best angle of it, because all the really important stuff is on the inside, floating intangibly out of sight, and my perception of it is never going to be the same as the perception of the person to whom it belongs. Maybe that, in its simplest essence, is the real attraction of hypnotism as a fetish. We're cracking the shell, and even though the substance we find inside will always be murky and obfuscated it still feels real and meaningful. When my shell is cracked, and I feel the secret parts of myself sniffed at and prodded, it feels like I am being really seen and understood.
Well, this all started off fairly light and got weirdly deep quickly didn't it? But really, I'm still on point. The idea here is to reveal my vulnerabilities. And shell-cracking is a big one.
I also like voices. People who have talked movies with me know that I would rather watch a mediocre movie with a killer soundtrack rather than a fantastic movie with a crappy one. Same thing for hypnotists. Vocal quality is super important, although an annoying voice can hypnotize me just as effectively as a fabulous one. For perspective, (using actors for familiarity), if David Tennant were to show up and want to entrance me I'd be all over that--but if Tom Baker showed up at the same time Tennant wouldn't even exist. If Gillian Anderson came to my door I'd be thrilled to be enthralled, but if Gemma Arterton was standing next to her...actually that's a bad example because what would kick ass is if Gillian Anderson and Gemma Arterton wanted to do a dual induction on me. But you get the idea. Some voices, you don't even hear the words because you are too busy feeling the resonance in your bones. And other parts.
(It's also why singing a good harmony with someone can be as good as sex. No. REALLY.)
And none of this gets into the true beauty of well written words. Maybe next time. For now, this is enough.