WEEHU3 - Day 5, or, "The love for the Doctor is STRONG in this crowd..."

On the fifth day...

Monday. Most of the crowd is gone. Pynch and Liz wake me up just enough to say goodbye, and I immediately go back to sleep, and miss saying goodbye to everyone else that leaves that morning.  The hallway is a ghost town, with tumbleweeds of scattered hypno-paraphernalia catching on the wheels of the housekeeping trolleys as our floor is finally opened back up to the hotel cleaning staff. When Carneggy, Kat, and I awaken for real, I am a little heartbroken that I haven't said goodbye to anyone.  I am missing a pair of shoes, and find them dejectedly resting just outside the open door to what had been Lee's rooms, but when I stick my head in, no one is there but housekeeping. I snag the balloon bundle that had marked the location of my birthday party and wander back over to our rooms.  Carneggy, bless his heart, says "Are you sure she's actually gone?" and does a quick reconnoiter; and returns with more balloons, party streamers, a scalp massaging tool*, and an entire third of a bar of genuine British chocolate.

During the day, we get snapchats from Pynch and Lizzidoll, from Lee, from Calico; I open them all immediately and drink them in; I want them all to come back, right now!

The original idea for the Monday field trip gets called off for lack of interest; we end up at Wicked Grounds where Zany and I drink milkshakes and wander up and down the narrow premises exchanging messages with Pynch, who has absconded with the last of the Dark Chocolate Oregon Hazelnut Stout Crinkle Cookies. The smug fucking bastard sends us a picture of him eating one of the precious things, which sends us into minor paroxysms of ire, but he salvages the situation quickly with the next pic--him handing the bag of cookies to the clerk back at the hotel. It is days later that he tells me that the "cookie eating" pic was meant to show that he had returned to the hotel with the loot: we were too busy looking at his face to notice where he was standing.

Carneggy knows the proprietor of Wicked Grounds, and the two of them and Kat talk gaming in the back while I pretend to understand what they're talking about.

It is stiflingly hot inside Wicked Grounds. After everyone has had a chance to eat, drink, and be merry, we wander down the street and look at kinky leather goods, as one does, and I spend more time making friends with the resident dog than I do enjoying the visit. Too little opportunity to rest, too much heat; they combine inside me like a hammer and sap my energy until all I want to do is go back to the hotel and rest.

We go to one more store; Kat buys a marvelous corset dress, and I marvel at just how many varieties of strappy rib-cage and waist compressing garments exist.**  We, along with R***, a new friend who had only been able to attend the weekend starting Sunday afternoon, decide to head back to home base. We relax a little, then go back into the city to meet everyone else for dinner. My first experience with Vietnamese food is more or less "meh". The service is excellent, but the food is neither astonishingly good nor astonishingly bad.  I consider my over-all WEEHU restaurant dining experience to be an even split.

I end up sitting by Zany and Panavatar on one side, and Carneggy and Kat on the other. We have a conversation that is an interesting hybrid of hypnosis community talk and Doctor Who plot conjecture.**** We invite R back to our room, and try and give her the WEEHU experience that she missed out on, all crammed into one evening.

There is booze.

There are trance demos, and questions answered. Kat and I get stuck to each other and I get stuck to the ceiling, all for R's benefit. My unconscious writes something on Fetlife, and goes to great pains to keep me from remembering that it has happened at all.*****   At some point, Orchid-Girl and AndSleep wander in, and I get my picture taken with a wonderful sparkly crystal.****** AndSleep and I have an extended conversation about...well, something or other, and the online blogs and posts about WEEHU start to turn up.  Zany swings by with MrDream, who helps R with some pain management, inadvertently covering all the main points of the Subjects' track classes in the process.

All in all, it is the perfect way to spend the last evening of my time at WEEHU.


*The scalp massaging tool had been used during the Because Science scene to reprogram my brain. At one point in the evening on Sunday night, someone picked it up to use, and I...warned them not to, because of its evil powers.  Sigh.  It came home with me.  I still haven't used it.

**Please don't take this description as a sign that I don't like corsets. Corsets are fucking hot. And I will totally have one someday soon. Because what someone with my hip to waist ratio needs is a larger ratio. (<--sarcasm.)

***Not her real name! She's Rainamore on Fetlife, and she's delightful and hopefully will keep coming out for hypno-events!

****This is quite common at hypnosis events. The love for the Doctor is STRONG in this crowd, as well it should be.

*****kk Someone posted something ridiculous about the unconscious mind not being able to write lucidly or some such.  I...commented. Politely. Really. XXXXX doesn't need to know what it says. I was unable to keep her from remembering it completely, even with Carneggy's help, and she's read the comment twice now, but still doesn't know what it says, so that's something anyway. kk

******Yes, I will remember to email the pics to you soon, Orchid-Girl, so that you can make ART.

WEEHU3 - Day 4 or, "You started counting again, didn't you."

kk We're doing things a little differently with this post.* Please go read the footnote.  I'll wait. I can be quite patient when it's necessary.

Done? Good! Thank you for doing what I've asked so promptly; it will make your enjoyment of this blog even better than you'd hoped.

 (For those of you who did not read the footnote.  Hello. I'm Noelle's Unconscious.  You may call me "Noelle". It is easier for me to think of the Conscious Mind in terms of her actual name: for the purposes of these writings she'll be written as "XXXXX".)

By the time Sunday rolled around I was quite bored. XXXXX was having a lot of fun, but I wasn't getting to play any of my favorite games. (Not her fault; circumstance and setting were not optimal for me in most cases.)  When I get bored, however, I tend to find those little fractionated moments and run with them, and by Sunday the fractionated moments were neither little nor rare.

tl;dr - I spent a lot of time out and about on Sunday.

So, morning, breakfast, chipper, yada yada. Kat still miserably ill, Carneggy still better than an electric blanket (if you sleep cold you'll understand.)  XXXXX ate, (and got to have a great conversation with HypnoMaestro), many other people were around, they also ate, yada yada.

Class the First - Hypnosis & Drug Play with Lee Allure

I paid very close attention during this one. Of course I always pay very close attention, but this topic has special interest to me. I don't get to play this type of game very often and I'm quite good at it (with the sensations I've actually experienced.)  Lee did an excellent job of stressing that drug play through hypnosis is an excellent alternative to more illegal activities; and also that it is possible to give someone an experience with a drug they've not personally tried, using things like observations of actual user's physical reactions as a foundation for the "trip".  She also gave two people a shared experience of synesthesia, which (I've been led to understand by one of them) was amazing.

Class the Second - Ethics in Erotic Hypnosis with DJ Pynchon

Also an important topic for me.  XXXXX has been really leery of being on the hypnotist's side of the watch (and of topping in general) out of a fear that she would, as she puts it, "Go mad with power." (Bwa ha ha ha ha. Etc.)  I'd say a solid grounding in ethics is useful in any discipline; in Hypnosis, erotic or otherwise, it is paramount. "I didn't know any better" is not a decent justification for why you may have just scarred someone mentally (and in one case that I know of, physically as well) for life.
With all that said, this panel was AMAZINGLY calm, quiet, and civil.  I was impressed with everyone involved in it and I hope that every hypno event will always have an ethics class of some sort in its scheduling.

And then we broke for lunch.

I really want to tell Pynchon that we had Mexican food - it was actually sushi, but trust me, it would be funny to convince him it was Mexican.

We ate, it was tasty, yada yada. Highlight of the meal for me was letting XXXXX back in her head for a bit and listening to her whine about the outfit she had on, and then listening to her whine about no one appreciating the significance of the fact that she was surprised by her outfit.**

Class the Third - Community Leader Round Table with Community Leaders of Note

XXXXX was still driving for this one, which is probably a good thing. She is not the assertive one, and I'm not very nice when I'm irritated.
Technically, we are not a community leader, but as we get more and more involved in these events and more passionate about things like the education of new subjects and how to share the erotic hypnosis experience through creative media, the urge to help a local community develop grows stronger, and we though it would be a good idea to see how that particular machine functions from behind the scenes (as it were.)  As we were about to go in, we heard someone speaking that we don't necessarily care for, and nearly left, but ran into ZanyM and Panavatar on their way in, and joined them in solidarity.  We all got to sit on a bed again, which always makes me happy.

Zany and I lasted about 15 minutes. Then we walked out of the panel.  This is not a comment on the overall content of the panel or on the people who were participating.  It is, however, a comment on the lack of moderation present and on some questionable things that were said, although those issues were apparently resolved after we left.  We needed to go though.  It's not very often that XXXXX gets inspired to use her secret super power of soul-crushing rebuttal, but it nearly happened in that room, so we had to leave.***  kk

Class the Fourth - Hypnotic Amnesia with Lee Allure and DJ Pynchon

(From XXXXX's pov- I came in late, and every seat was filled, except for a couple in the middle.  I, being a rebel, sat on the floor with my back comfortably against a wall, right in front, with Lorelei in a chair to my right, and Pynch and Lee up front presenting to my left.  There was an empty chair between me and Pynch, which Lee offered to newcomers as they straggled in.  I did not claim it because it hadn't been offered to me, it had been offered to those people just coming in. Kat was super speedy and jumped on that opportunity in a flash. She basically was a computer stand for Pynch for the rest of the panel.  I think.  Because after that point things are a bit...hazy...Quoth Pynch later on: "You started counting again, didn't you." Well, yes. That is apparently a thing I do now.)

kk We have been working on amnesia for a while now, for equal parts "it's really fucking hot" and "Pynch is better at it than we are and this cannot stand."  It has been slow going though, as I do not have quite the same amount of guidance and direction that he has had.  I have tried several different approaches, and what has worked the best so far has been some form of distraction. This is where the counting comes in.  At the Seattle workshop that we attended Pynch told a story during the amnesia class about counting down from 1001 to 0 by 3's, and we tried it, and it worked exceptionally well. So I was eager to see if the experiment could be duplicated or even improved upon.

The bits of the amnesia class that XXXXX can't quite recall:  Lee and Pynch talked about the upcoming book, Hypnotic Amnesia, the releasing of which is somewhat imminent. They talked about the different techniques for achieving amnesia that are discussed in the book, including traditional favorites like "Forget to remember and remember to forget". Lee talked about a tv advertisement gone terribly wrong, in which the advertised product is accidentally eliminated form viewers' memories when it is graphically "blown up" (explosion style) on screen.  One of my favorite things that happened is a demonstration of what happens when Pynch tries to read a series of particular sentences off his laptop screen - and knows that they are there but cannot physically make them out (life goals!) - and the subsequent demonstration that he couldn't hear them either...no matter who it was that said them.  Amnesia is fucking hot, and one of my favorite things in the world is the look on Pynch's face when he knows that his memory is being tampered with.

And of course, the counting.  Pynch quite reliably brought it up again, and XXXXX quite reliably started doing it, going deeper and deeper into trance the whole time.****  The entire class is a blank for her from the chair-offering moment, except for brief flashes of looking up at Lee.

And one other, marvelous marvelous thing.

There is a game that Lee plays with Pynch that involves him sipping at a glass of water until it's empty; sipping, having an orgasm, then immediately forgetting he'd done so, getting thirsty again, having another sip of water, and so on and so on...and I thought it would be fun if XXXXX got to have those orgasms too, albeit quietly so no one would notice, and with full memory of them later.***** But other than that, she's retained nothing.  The class ended (a little bit early for reasons that I will share in a moment), and everyone filed out, except XXXXX who was still leaning on her wall, staring blankly into space.******

Class the Fourth-ish - Taking Their Breath Away - Hypnotic Breath Play with ZanyM

The reason the amnesia class ended early was so that Lee and Pynch could race to see the tail end of this class, which featured a fantastic grappling match between Zany and Lizzidoll.  XXXXX was already dazed, confused, and floaty; after seeing that she was also really turned on...which set the stage for...

A Brief Interlude with Carneggy

We said in the Day 1 post that we knew Carneggy and Kat for Reasons.  Those reasons would be that we've been working with Carneggy for a while now (he's the main instrument in the "Help restore XXXXX's ability to trust" process.)  Kat knows him, therefore we know Kat. Kat turns out to be pretty cool, so it all works out.  Carneggy noticed immediately what was going on in our head as we stumbled out of Zany's room, and very sensibly Took Advantage of it.*******

And then...dinner.  It was loud, it was crowded, it was too hot, the food was bland, we tried to sing Pynch's birthday present again and it didn't go as well as it might have, and the energy of the room was sort of cranky and bitter.

BUT, it was loud with dozens of conversations between friends new and old, it was crowded because all of us weirdos were able to go out in public together and be ourselves, and it was too hot because the room was not set up to handle that much awesome.  Not everyone's food was bland; mine was because of a miscommunication with the server who took our order, not because of anything the kitchen did. And my cocktail was AMAZING. And the singing?  For something that we'd rehearsed maybe 6 times total, EVER, and had only performed before once, and decided to do spontaneously 30 minutes previous?  It wasn't that bad, honestly. We got a ton of great compliments on it. (And to the people who laughed at it...there is a special level of hell waiting for you. It features a command performance by Carrot Top, only he's trying to do a routine by Gallagher, and all the hammers have lost their heads and the watermelons are rotten and keep gushing all over you.)  As for the energy of the room, such things are very subjective, but several people have reported the same experience, so draw what conclusions you like from that.

And then, the highlight of the evening (but only mine.)

We'd car-pooled to the restaurant in Pynch's small boat of a car, and when the Calico asked if she could ride with us on the trip back, she was told, "sure, if you ride in the trunk."******** It turns out that Pynch is a very sadistic driver, when he wants to be. Especially in Safeway parking lots.  It's safe to say that Calico enjoyed every moment of it, and next time her experience will be less "impromptu" and more "blindfolds and zipties."

WE SHALL NOW PAUSE FOR A MOMENT OF RUMINATION. THIS MOMENT COVERS SEVERAL HOURS, PLEASE ENJOY THESE HOURS IN A WAY THAT IS ENTERTAINING AND/OR BENEFICIAL TO YOUR PERSONAL NEEDS. THANK YOU.

After dropping the Calico off at the airport, XXXXX sat in her car in the parking lot for a long time outside the hotel, and when she'd collected her thoughts and decided to go back in, she immediately encountered AndSleep, who was outside (gasp!) smoking.  Over the course of the evening, XXXXX got to hang out with and chat with and otherwise socialize with quite a few people whom she hadn't gotten a ton of time with, and eventually broke out the bottle of Lemon Flavored Paint Thinner, which went over like gangbusters.  It actually mixed quite well with diet coke - who knew?  Lemon Flavored Paint Thinner, diet coke, and hypno-centric conversation is apparently the recipe for Sunday night introspection.

Introspection which led to an extended personal conversation and Other Stuff...then bedtime.

Bedtime, for a plethora of reasons, most of which involve feelings of over-heating and claustrophobia, did not happen.  At 4am or so we returned to the hallway and hung out some more with AndSleep, the other Kat, Fleur, and for a little bit HypnoMaestro (who was already up and getting ready to depart!*********)  Eventually Carneggy came out and collected us and put us back in bed, and that's the end of the last Thursday of WEEHU.

*kk Hi! I'm Noelle's Unconscious. You can call me "Noelle". I show up from time to time and I was around a lot for this particular day, so I'm writing this post. Don't let anyone tell you that your Unconscious can't be lucid and intelligent and coherent-they're wrong and limiting you unnecessarily.  I use "kk" at the beginnings and ends of my visits, rather like quotation marks, so watch for that signal in the future and you'll know when I'm around. kk

**The skirt was really short, and in XXXXX's mind, only suitable for within the con area.  Whatever.  I totally agree that more of a fuss should have been made over me, though.

***There is a participants' version of this moment. The only participants with whom it will be shared are Panavatar, ZanyM, and Lee Allure, two of whom already know what the issue was.

****We got to practice more "open eyes trancing." I think this is going to be a Thing That We Do a lot of from now on.

*****There is a really hot scene that is skipped in this retelling. It happens between the Interlude With Carneggy and Dinner, and is for Participants only.  But remembering those orgasms feature in it HEAVILY.

******Lee left her phone behind. The only reason we got to see any of the amazing end of the breath play class was because of returning it. So, thanks, Lee!

*******Nope. You don't get to know.  

********Not an enclosed and locked space. No kittens of any type were harmed in this production. At least not in unnegotiated ways.

*********HypnoMaestro in jeans and a t-shirt? Weird and confusing and Just Plain Unnatural.     

WEEHU3 - Day 3, or "Brain Washing and Orgasms kind of go hand-in-hand, right?"

Day 3! Saturday! Or, as the cool kids like to call it, Thursday...

It was with great sorrow Saturday morning that we discovered that the Fabulous Pancake Extrusion Machine was missing from the breakfast area, never to be seen again for the rest of the weekend.  Granted, I'd had my fill of yoga mat pancakes the day before, but I'd kind of been looking forward to watching other people try to choke them down.  Ah well, there'd be other types of choking to look forward to by and by...

The first class I wanted to attend wasn't until 11, so I'm almost pretty sure kind of that after breakfast I went back to bed. Possibly. I may have napped on the couch in our room. That may also have happened Friday. But I'm pretty sure it was Saturday. As the weekend went on and I got less and less actual slumber-type sleep things started to get a little hazy around the edges.

Class the First - Subjects 102 with DJ Pynchon and special guest Lizzidoll

I was a little bit late. Of course I was. It worked out though, because being late meant that I got to sit on the bed (all classes were held in hotel suites) rather than in a boring old folding chair. (In my normal, boring, day to day life, I am NEVER late. I'll swear on anything you like.)  Pynch and Liz were already talking when I arrived. Both of Pynch's subjects' classes are about empowerment: 102 focuses on communication.  How do you ask for specific things? How do you negotiate safely?  How do you know when you're in a bad situation? And so on. I highly recommend that everyone enjoy these classes at least once, there's always something new to learn.

After Subjects 102 I got to stay where I was, all comfy on the bed for...

Class the Second - the Erotic Writers' Round Table with ME and panelists Wiseguy, DJ Pynchon, ZanyM, Lizzidoll, and Shaman58*

Because I was so damn comfortable, I invited all the participants to hang out with me on the bed - everyone was happy to oblige me except Wiseguy, who (wisely) took one of the official presenter chairs.  Every one of us could have talked for hours, but since we only had one (less than one really), I introduced each person briefly and then we took questions from the audience.  It was a lot of fun and hopefully people who were on the fence about putting their work out there walked away confident enough to try.

After a break for lunch (and I have NO IDEA anymore what we had or where we went) it was time for...

Class the Third - Subjects 103 with DJ Pynchon and special guest ME

A note on tardiness -  It was really important to me to be on time for this one. And I was. But I was in the wrong location.

To review:  these classes are about empowering subjects. 103 focuses on being an active participant in your own trance.  Hopefully whatever insights I gave were helpful to people; by this point in the weekend you could have blown on me like a dandelion clock and I would have gone down immediately.

And then...it was time for something completely different.

Brain Washing and Orgasms kind of go hand-in-hand, right?  I'd say that Lee Allure and DJ Pynchon might think so, because for the next two hours, they led a group brainwashing session, followed by a class delightfully entitled "Hypno-oh-Oh-OH!" - a guided masturbation experience.  And there were two very special victims people who wanted their brainwashing experience to be of the slightly less...consensual variety. Consensual non-consent can be a ton and a half of fun, for both participants and bystanders; and on this occasion there was plenty to see.

Lizzidoll and the Calico had both requested to be taken into the brainwashing session against their will.  I, of course, volunteered my services to the Calico (again, because I am nice like that), and ZanyM selflessly put herself forward to deal with Liz.

Now I have to say that in her heart of hearts, I really don't think that Calico really wanted to resist that much. Sure, I technically had her arm twisted behind her back, or across her throat, or had her on her knees with her hair as a leash...but really she didn't struggle too much.  I didn't get a single bruise, and I bruise very easily.  (I have promised that next time things will be a little bit more...exciting...)

The other two, now, that was a sight to see.

Lizzidoll reminds me of a Tennessee Walking Horse - long limbs and style, arched neck and eyebrows, and tougher than a bagful of nails in a thunderstorm.  In contrast, Zany is more a Quarter Horse - packed full of muscle and able to outrace anything in her element, including storm-magnetized flying iron.  Watching them progress down the hallway (and back, since we accidentally went to the wrong room first) was incredibly entertaining.  I kept sticking Calico to the walls so that I could just sit back and observe. But eventually we delivered them into Lee and Pynch's keeping, where their brains got so clean you could have eaten off them.**  Zany and I got to hang out a little bit, have some snippets of conversation, and stick our heads into various classes to see what was going on.  In between brain-washing and Hypno-oh-Oh-OH! I checked on Calico to make sure she still felt safe and comfortable, then sort of meandered around until everyone got fully satisfied. (Quite entertaining from outside the door, let me tell you.)  Calico was very happy and very spacey when she emerged from her experience, and I'm quite sure would have turned right around and gone back in had that been an option.

I think this is the night we went to In n Out Burger.  Because California tradition, apparently***.  So Carneggy, Kat, Calico, and I took one car, and Zany and MrDream and Banny (I think; Banny you were there, right?) took another car, and we headed to In n Out and got our food...to go...

This would be a prime example of tired and fractionated people making weird decisions.  Because it made perfect sense to take two cars and then not even stay there to eat.  Uh huh.  The bunch of us had a little picnic, and eventually we drifted to our respective rooms until reconvening later for an experience that can only be described as "Because Science."

BECAUSE SCIENCE

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX THIS CONTENT HAS BEEN REDACTED UNTIL SUCH  TIME AS THE TWO SUBJECTS INVOLVED CAN PUT TOGETHER AN AT LEAST SEMI-ACCURATE NARRATIVE. IN THE MEAN TIME, PLEASE ENJOY IMAGINING A PRETTY, LONG-LEGGED BRUNETTE IN A CORSET GETTING SPANKED XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After our little scientific adventure, Pynch and I had a little bit of a moment running around looking for Lizzidoll, who had mysteriously disappeared.  Disappeared as in hid from us.  Disappeared as in played a practical joke on us.  Disappeared as in a way pretty much designed to instigate the appropriate response...namely me getting to have a lesson in spanking from Pynch and Lorelei, with Lizzi as the practice dummy.  Apparently, having people count while you strike them is a Thing That People Do; and I like a good list of numbers, really I do, but honestly, if you tell someone they're going to be spanked 15 times some of the delicious uncertainty about just what's going to happen disappears.  I like to measure my life by events, and since Pynch was helping me learn this valuable skill, I chose to measure Lizzi's punishment in Braintwin milestones.  That went on for quite a while, but not too long, because milestone #1 really only happened last July at MEEHU, and that's barely three months ago.  I think the lesson went well.  Along the way we also discovered that Lorelei has the most amazing skin...but I digress...

Saturday really doesn't seem to have as much going on as Thursday and Friday, does it?  Some of that is due to the fact that classes were in full swing, some of it is because I can't remember everything that happened, and some of that is because there are some things that I won't be sharing on this blog.  I will give you some key words though.

Walls

Hallway

Throat

Knee

Kiss

Breath

Restrain

Restraint

Moan

Hot

Orgasm

Right

Fucking 

Now

And thus concludes Day 3.

*You can find the stuff we write at the following urls:

EnScenic/Noelle Carson Nicholson:  Enscenic.tumblr.com and Noellehastranceadventures.blogspot.com

Wiseguy:  asstr.org/~Wiseguy and mindplayblog.blogspot.com and also MCStories.com (search author: Wiseguy) He's also written what may be the definitive book on recreational erotic hypnosis:

Mind Play: A Guide to Erotic Hypnosis, and its follow-up:  The Mind Play Study Guide.  Both books can be found on Amazon.com, (although not only there) as well as in person from Wiseguy at the many hypno events he attends/teaches at.

DJ Pynchon/Hypno-Sandwich:  djpynchon.wordpress.com and hypno-sandwich.tumblr.com and also MCStories.com (search author: DJ Pynchon) and has a book coming out which he co-authored with Lee Allure called Hypnotic Amnesia (guess what it's about, I dare you...)

ZanyM:  zanythoughts.tumblr.com

Lizzidoll:  lizzidoll.tumblr.com

Shaman58:  shaman58.tumblr.com

**I have watched exactly one episode of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and this is a partial quote from the only moment I actually found funny.

WEEHU3 - Day 2, Or, "...and we know how much you love being right..."

Day 2!  Friday!  Heretofore to be known as Thursday! (This was a thing. "And it's still only Thursday...")

My last hypno-event was MEEHU, last July in Chicago.  It would be accurate to say I was lax about things like eating breakfast and attending classes. It would also be accurate to say that San Francisco once had a pretty bad earthquake; the degree of understatement is the same for both sentences.  I was determined not to repeat this behavior at WEEHU.  What this means in practice is that I was up and at 'em and in the breakfast area eating my free breakfast* by 8:30am Friday morning.  Notable moments at free breakfast that first day include the Amazing Pancake Extracting Machine and discovering that the orange juice was apparently squeezed from a bag of orange-flavored sugar. I was courageous and tried the pancakes (mostly because I wanted to play with the machine) and discovered what a yoga mat must actually taste like. Hint: not good. But, hey, free!

Classes weren't due to start until 2:30, with the first one I wanted to actually attend not starting until 3:30.  So there was a little bit of time to kill, and to be honest, I'm not 100% sure of everything I did. One thing I am sure of is that the night before, I'd suggested to the Calico that she'd find her Friday morning volunteer shift very rewarding.  As in, feelings of pleasure building up inside her as she welcomed each and every person who passed her station (right by the only elevator, of course), to be stored until a time of my choosing.  Because I am nice like that.  And I know for sure that when I went back down to the breakfast area, which was now the "check in and get your badge" area, that I made sure to let people know that they needed to let her welcome them, possibly more than once, so that she'd have the best possible experience.  Because again, I am nice like that.

I might have taken a nap.  I might have put together the goody bags for my "Subjects Safe-Space" class.  I probably did both of those things.  But my mind was on something else completely.

A Brief Interlude Wherein I Describe My History With Birthdays

I was born in the back half of October. (Why, yes I did just celebrate my Birthday, thanks.)  My brother was born, through no fault of his own, three years and 14-ish hours later.  Luckily, 2 of those 14 hours were after midnight, so technically it's 3 years and a day, but I like accuracy.  My family was always really really great at making sure we A) had separate birthday celebrations and B) didn't have Halloween birthdays every year.  The year I turned 9 and he turned 6 we did actually have a combined Halloween birthday costume party (we were both clowns), but that is the one and only time ever that we've done so.  My history of only having one close friend at a time not-withstanding, I did have the traditional "invite the girls from your class" birthday parties through about 7th grade, but a school change** caused the available pool of "girls from my class" to go from 12 more or less fun girls to 5 really annoying girls and so I called a halt to large parties.  And that was it for parties.

The group of toxic friends that I mentioned in yesterday's post made a huge deal out of their birthdays.  And I like planning stuff.  So in my adult life I found myself on the organizing side of many parties of varying complexity: from "let's go see a movie" all the way to "let's have a karaoke concert/weekend festival in the country".  Somehow through these years the gesture was never reciprocated. And when I tried to organize something for myself, I got excuses as to why people couldn't make it, the best example of which is "I don't want to hang out in my own house on a Friday night, why would I want to hang out in yours?"  So...I kind of developed an aversion to birthdays.  My friend Kerrie, who was living in another state through this time and would have kicked some serious ass had she realized exactly how asshatty these people were being, can totally testify if asked that my aversion to birthdays, whether my own or someone else's, was extremely well-developed.

End of Interlude

So. Readers of my tumblr and people who hang out in the MEEHU Skype chatroom will be aware that I have what I call a "Braintwin".  Starting right before MEEHU DJ Pynchon and I discovered that our minds seem to work in weird and identical ways.*** So we started to play the "what would you do" and "what do you like" games, and somehow we got to talking about birthdays.  And discovered that we shared one.  Which is the capstone of all the weird Braintwin stuff.  So we toyed with the idea of having a mutual birthday party, but when Pynch heard about my experiences with birthdays past, he decided that I was for fuck's sake going to have a goddamn birthday party at WEEHU that was all about me. (Swearing is all mine. Because Pynch is a gentleman and would never talk like that. Ahem.)

He enlisted Lee Allure to help organize it.

And I started to get a little anxious.

She wanted to know what kind of cake I liked. (Carrot. Without nuts in. She called me a heathen.)

She wanted to know my favorite color. (Blue. What shade of blue?  That deep shade of blue that winter skies sometimes get when it's clear but quite cold, also found in still Caribbean waters and some Maxfield Parrish paintings. So cerulean but deeper. More or less.)

And I started to get a little bit more anxious.

Remember how I was exiled to the adjoining room on Thursday night? It was so Pynch could unpack birthday things and stow them away where they'd not be seen.  And I got more anxious.  I mentioned being relegated to that room a lot between Thursday night and Friday afternoon, and it was all because of me feeling anxious. I was starting to annoy myself with it, but it kept slipping out.

So. At 1:30 I was in my room putting on my birthday party outfit while the final preparations were being made in the other room.  They'd gone to so much trouble and I wanted to acknowledge that by taking as much trouble myself.  So special party outfit. Special party make-up. Special party jewelry.  And at 2-ish I got led across the hallway for my first real birthday party in decades.

They made me a fairyland.  They made me a magical place with balloons that had twinkling lights inside, and streamers, and stripy hats, and things that made noise (I think) and mimosas and cake (really fine cake) and they sang "Happy Birthday" - twice, and I stood there and clutched myself and tried and tried to not be over-whelmed.  (I failed.)  It helped some when the Calico got to experience her reward for all that welcoming, trembling and quivering at my feet. It helped some that I got many many hugs from people who didn't seem to think that being anxious over a birthday party was weird in a bad way.  And then there were presents. Thoughtful presents. And so many people that I can now call friends! And some who I didn't know at all, yet.****  And we played Pictionary, with both of the birthday people as team captains (that being the only acknowledgement of our mutual birthday-ness that Pynch accepted.)  And my team SMOKED his.  His never got to roll.  It was marvelous! (It is possible that I am not a gracious winner. I tried, though.)

And then it was 3:30 and time for the first class I wanted to attend.

Class the First:  Mutual Hypnosis Workshop with Wiseguy and Lee Allure

I was a little bit late due to changing out of my birthday party outfit and into my going to class outfit. (An entire large suitcase filled with clothes, remember!)  Wiseguy and Lee were already in the middle of talking about some famous examples of mutual trance, and then they demonstrated how easy it was for two people to talk each other into trance as a conversation.  Then we split up into groups, mostly of two, but five of us in the back corner ended up doing it together.  I'm really glad there were so many of us; it was an experience that I haven't had in quite that way.  The other four were @HypnoSophist (aka Rob), the Calico, a gentleman who I will always remember as "other Rob", and a gentleman who was new to the EEHUs whose name I sadly cannot recall.  I feel like I didn't contribute as much as I might have; I dropped almost immediately, but with my eyes open and still able to do a little bit of talking, especially to other Rob.  I'd like to try this again sometime and try to develop it as a skill; I think everyone else involved enjoyed it as well.

Class the Second:  New Subjects Safe Space for Questions with ME!

One of the things that I've gotten increasingly passionate about as I've continued my hypnosis journey is introducing new people to erotic hypnosis and trying to give them the tools they need to safely navigate what can be a really confusing terrain.  There is already a "100 level" course series taught by Wiseguy (101) and DJ Pynchon (102 and 103); what I was trying to provide was more along the lines of the campus visit you make before you decide which school to attend.  I was hoping that there'd be a pretty good turnout; the WEEHU organizers had gotten green ribbons for new attendees to affix to their badges, so I knew they were out there.

I got three new people, but hey, that's a start, right?  I also had 8 or 9 veterans from both sides of the watch, so we did get to have a nicely casual and yet still informative conversation, and hopefully those three new people were a little bit more comfortable than they'd otherwise have been had they not attended.  And next year we might have a "question corner" or some sort rather than a time-limited class; you'll have to come to WEEHU4 to know for certain!

Class the Third:  Touch Me! Hypnotic Workshop with ZanyM

Heh. I will always remember this class fondly as the catalyst for my friendship with Lizzidoll.  (More on that in a moment.)

So this class was, as the label on the tin says, about the power of touch. Zany had a bag of items which she had people reach into blindly, then describe using their sense of touch.  I think the best part of that was when Kat took a turn and pulled out a standard phone charging cable, and described it thusly:  "It's a cable of some sort...it seems to, yes it's a usb on one end and...a small...yes a micro-usb on the other end." (Quoth Zany, "I would have accepted 'wire'.")  Then we got to explore the power of touch with a partner. Or in my case, partners.  I was sitting next to Pynch, with Lizzidoll on his opposite side. It seemed pretty natural for us to work together, which somehow translated into Liz and I staying seated and Pynch kneeling at our feet.  We didn't mind. And I think it's safe to say that we explored the power of touch pretty thoroughly, to the point that when the class broke up we were all still caught up in it, dazed and concentrating only on each other, and more than a little turned on.  Which leads us to the first highlight of the evening.

The FIRST HIGHLIGHT of the EVENING

We ended up back in Lee's room, with Pynch on the couch and Liz and I sitting on either side of him, but on the floor.  And decided to continue what we'd started in the Touch Me class.  And that's when Liz and I discovered that we work really well together, especially when we are sufficiently motivated by a stubborn Pynch--who had spent the weeks leading up to WEEHU continually telling us that he was going to be extremely toppy at WEEHU, and to not be disappointed if things worked out that way.

Turns out that Liz and I really REALLY like that kind of challenge. And that's all I'll say about that.*****

And then we went to dinner!  I got to have real Indian food for the first time (I liked it a lot.) The restaurant was fantastic; quick and friendly service, excellent food, and when we asked for the check, they brought it to us.  (The importance of which will be evident to anyone who ate at the horrible Mexican restaurant at MEEHU.  Except for Pynch, who had sushi. A long story, and one which will be covered later on in these recaps.)  And I and my sekrit projekt co-conspirators got to do a little bit of plotting, which was quite the feat, seeing as how the person we were plotting about was sitting at the table with us.  Which brings us to the second highlight of the evening.

The SECOND HIGHLIGHT of the EVENING

So, back to birthdays for a moment. You may recall that, in order to give me a wonderful birthday experience, Pynch took himself and his birthday out of the equation.  I was GOOD.  I didn't hijack his efforts and make it about him.  I waited until later, when he wouldn't suspect anything.

I wrote a thing.  A song-thing.  Well, I wrote a three minute long singing confusion induction.  A three minute long singing confusion induction for four female voices.  A couple of weeks before WEEHU I recorded the different parts and sent them off to Lee Allure, Lizzidoll, and ZanyM in the hopes that we could all learn it well enough by WEEHU to sing if for Pynch for his birthday.  We got to practice for the tiniest bit of time on Thursday, we got to practice for the tiniest little bit more time after dinner on Friday.  The plan was, we'd sneak into the back of the Orientation: Intro to *EEHU class being taught by Mephki and Pynch in the conference room, and spring it on him "flashmob" style, with the Calico as our accomplice to make sure that Pynch was seated and paying attention at the appropriate time.

The class got out earlier than we expected.

We were standing in the hallway on the third floor in front of the elevators and decided what the hell, we'd do it right there.  All we needed was for Mephki to delay the icebreakers that were supposed to be starting right that moment, and for Pynch to actually be available.  So of course he came up the elevator and made a beeline for his room, barely acknowledging anyone trying to get his attention.  Shit! Had he figured out what was going on?  He's pretty smart, after all.  So we sent the Calico to look for him.  And then we sent Lizzidoll to look for them.  You can see where this is going right?  Then Lee went and rounded them all up, and Calico sat Pynch down in a chair in the middle of a crowd of WEEHU attendees and told him to listen carefully.

Listen carefully, I have a story to tell.

"Once Upon a Time"; words that I think you know well.

Repeating the notes like the peal of a bell.

If you concentrate you may find that you fall

down, down, down, down...

ETC.******

We each came in at a different time, with a different part of the song, so that the only time we ever sang the same thing together was on the words "down, down, down, down."  I'd been worried that we'd mess up the words, that we'd mess up the notes, that it would be too cacophonous to work, that Pynch would just look at us with pity in his eyes and thank us gently for trying, because it's the thought that counts, after all.

It worked. It worked exactly the way I hoped, and more.  It was wonderful and marvelous and I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to be singing it with!

And the acoustics in that hallway? SO MUCH BETTER than they would have been anywhere else! (As we discovered later on, but that's another day's story...)

A Slight Tangent

I have spent the time since WEEHU ended being sick, to the point of calling into work multiple times and basically just sleeping all day and/or sitting in a darkened room because my eyes hurt.  So these recaps didn't get written as immediately as they might have been, and some of the details of some of the things I got to do over the weekend have blurred together.  Which is secret code for I don't always remember what I did on which evening.  But I think I'm fairly accurate.  However, if you were a participant in anything I did and I have the day wrong, please point it out!  I probably won't correct the post, but I'll reblog and acknowledge the mistake.  Thanks!

Friday night after the singing...I received another birthday present.  I got to have my first experience with rope, courtesy of Lizzidoll, who will have to describe it for me at some point, since my input is basically "I liked it a lot."  I liked it more than a lot actually, although I'm not sure if that was because of what was happening or because of who it was happening with. Either way, it was fantastic!

Then we had a brief interlude that, I think, was supposed to lead into an "Objectification Party" that never really happened.  Kat and I have "freeze in place like statues" triggers courtesy of Carneggy, and there was a little statuing going on for awhile, until I got really impatient with it for reasons that don't need to be discussed here, and Liz and I headed back over to my room so that she could rehearse the tie she was going to do for Pynch for his birthday.  It started out as just a practice run; as she described it this tie was going to be much more planned and formal than the sort of "free-form" tie she'd done for me.  So she fiddled with angles and such, then asked me if I minded being blind-folded, as that is how it would be with Pynch.  I am no fool; of course I said yes, but carefully pointed out that once the blindfold was on my input was going to drop dramatically. (Drop is the key word in that sentence.)  So I got to experience the whole thing that she had planned, and IT WAS PHENOMENAL.  It involved singing and movements tied into that singing (did you see what I just did there, people? Did you?) and pretty much cemented in my mind that Liz can tie me up any old time she desires.

And then it was bedtime.

Another Slight Tangent

My friends and room-mates for WEEHU were Kat and Carneggy, both of whom were getting over a nasty bout of bronchitis, and Kat basically relapsed at the beginning of the weekend.  She'd get up and go to classes, then return to the room to try and sleep and destress.  And Carneggy was very attentive of her while she was feeling so poorly and took great care of her.  I felt like the best thing I could do was to take my noisy, needy self out of the way as much as possible, which is why there isn't as much mention of either of them as there should be.  I am really really looking forward to our next event together, when we are all healthy at the same time and can have the loads and loads of fun that we wanted to have at WEEHU.

And that's it for WEEHU - Day 2!

*Funniest thing I heard all weekend long:  Tuesday morning after WEEHU had officially ended, while eating free breakfast..."There was breakfast? And it was free? All Weekend!?"

**My fifth grade year I developed a little bit of a social life and got in trouble for talking in class. A lot.  my mother decided I was turning into a hoodlum and the next year put me into a private school that one of her friends recommended, which is how A) I discovered the books of Anne McCaffrey (which kept me from going crazy with loneliness) and B) Ruined my education in basic mathematics.  You may be familiar from viral posts on Facebook/tumblr et al of something called the P.A.C.E. system of home-schooling workbooks?  The ones that assert that cave men and dinosaurs lived side by side...3 thousand years ago?  Yeah. We used those. Viva la ignorance!

***We write alike, we sound alike, we have the same fandoms, we once simultaneously posted the same cartoon to the MEEHU chatroom, we even kind of look alike. Quoth my friend Kerrie: "You two even look alike, it's too weird, I have to leave now."  And NO, we are not related.  Trust me, we worked that out first thing.

****Here is the list of people who I know/think were at the party:  Lee, Pynch, Calico, Carneggy, Kat, Zany, MrDream, Liz, Wiseguy, Dani, Felix, Jcheldi, DylanG, W, Banny, Switchette, Ais, Panavatar, GirlFriday, Max, Lily, Lorelei, Dancecode...I think at this point I am just listing off the names of people who I know were in the building. But in my head now, you were ALL there. And thank you!

*****There is a participants' version. Oh yes. And this is where my favorite quote from the weekend comes from:  "Saying it would be the right thing to do, and we know how much you love being right..."

******The singing confusion induction titled "Listen Carefully" will be recorded and mixed sometime in the future (after I can again take a deep breath without coughing) and released publically for the listening pleasure of anyone who wants to download it.

WEEHU3 - Day 1, or "For some reason, she was really impressed with the high-test fishing line."

WEEHU3 - Day 1, which really starts two days before the actual first day of WEEHU, was bright and clear and very Oregon-in-October; that is to say, still summertime.  I spent the first part of it at work, then convinced them to let me leave for reasons of personal safety.  "Won't you feel responsible if I die driving all night to San Francisco?" I asked them, and, mostly because it was really slow and I was really superfluous, they let me go.  Which turned out to be quite necessary, because my co-driver backed out on me. Solo all-night drive!  Woo fucking hoo!

I actually really like to drive at night, and I'm a commuter by nature, so it wasn't that much of a hardship.  Except for the no-sleeping part. But more of that in a moment.

Because I was driving, I had planned on taking slightly more stuff with me to WEEHU than I would have had I been flying; with the loss of a second person's stuff in the car, I had no choice but to bring more stuff.  So in the car on the way home from work I planned what I would be packing.  (It turned out to be one rolling luggage rack worth of stuff. And I am not ashamed.)

My Packing List
One large suitcase (softside) - CLOTHES
One small suitcase (softside) - half MAKE-UP/JEWELRY, half STUFF*
One carry-on size suitcase (hardside) - CLOTHES/SHOES for the Calico
One Army regulation-size duffle bag (not actually from the Army) - SHOES/BOOTS
One carry-on size bag (softside) - extra blankets (which I completely forgot I'd brought.)
One large shopping bag - COOKIES. More on the cookies shortly.
One official Coca-Cola delivery flat - 9 litre size bottles of Coke Zero, 1 bottle of booze**.
One leather briefcase - my laptop and the important external hard drive, plus notebooks...
One large handbag - EVERYTHING ELSE NECESSARY FOR ME TO LIVE MY LIFE.

It's really not that much...
Oh, yeah, right.

One Electric Piano (which never got played, but we could have if we'd gotten around to it...)
One Electric Piano Stand & Bench

It's still really not that much. I mean, I could still see out all the windows.

Anyway.  I get home, I do laundry, I make the first batch of cookie dough. Then I make the second batch of cookie dough.  Then I make the third batch of cookie dough.  Then I make the fourth batch of cookie dough.  This is a shit ton of cookie dough, and my life would be easier if I could get my hands on 3 or 4 extra kitchen maid mixer bowls, but I do what I can.  What I'm going to do when my mixer finally dies I really don't know.  It's the one my Mom bought new when I was 9, which makes it spring of 1981.  I inherited it when she got a shiny new one, and she's regretted that ever since.  The new ones just aren't the same...but I digress.

The Four Cookies
Chocolate Chip. No, you cannot have the recipe.  The only person who has it other than me is my sister-in-law, and it was part of her Christmas present last year.  You have to really work at impressing me to get that recipe...or be family and have a love of baking that approaches my own.
No, you also cannot know the secret ingredient. Work out your own special recipe!
Earl Grey Chocolate Chip.  So good!  And even better if the lid is put back on the airtight container properly by the people in the con-suite.  (They were good crispy too, I suppose, but they weren't...quite...right...after that.)
No, earl grey tea is not the secret ingredient in recipe one.
Dark Chocolate Oregon Hazelnut Stout Crinkles.  The High Ruler over all other cookies. The One Ring of cookies if you will.  The best fucking cookies I have ever made.  (And more on these cookies later.)
Molasses Crinkles. My family's favorite cookie. The attendees' of WEEHU least favorite cookie. There's no accounting for taste. Whatever. That just means that I got to eat more of them than I thought I would.

Now everyone should understand that baking is the thing I do to deflect attention off of myself in new social situations, which technically wasn't a necessary thing at WEEHU because I'm an old pro at WEEHU-ing now.  But (and this is one of the only things in the entire world about which I will be unabashedly arrogant) I am a fucking marvelous cookie baker.  My cookies are phenomenal. People should pay me to bake them cookies.  (And they have.)  People should throw themselves at my feet and beg for the honor of eating my cookies...wait...why didn't I do that?!  (Note to self, at the next EEHU, make people beg at my feet for cookies...)

In this case, the cookies served a greater purpose.  I needed something to occupy myself while I stayed up all damn night. Mixing, chilling, and baking something around 24 dozen cookies used up the time nicely.  When they were done I made sure the "food" portion of my packing was ready to go, then went and sorted clothing.  And jewelry. And Stuff*.  And then went to bed for 3 hours or so.

Which brings us to Wednesday morning.  I got up, messed around online, as you do, (well, as I do), organized make-up and toiletries, then went back to bed for another 6.5 hours.  I was trying for a full 8, with the idea being that then I'd have no trouble staying up during the drive, but 6.5 was probably more than I should have expected.  I woke up around 7; this gave me ample time to get everything officially packed, get myself properly prepared (because shaving in a hotel shower = not fun) and the car loaded, with time to spare for more messing around online.

In support of messing around online:  a certain person was coming to WEEHU from destinations far, far away, and it would have been down-right rude of me to not talk with them as they were trying to stay up all of their respective night, right?  Right.

At 12:30am I set off for a weekend of trance, adventure, and smut.  Just the kind of vacation that suits me best!

Highlights of the drive include: never getting lost despite unexpected road closures/accidents along my route (thanks, Salem, Oregon and middle-of-nowhere California,) chatting with the cashier at the gas station in Yreka, and the orgasmic crescendo in "Pines of the Appian Way" happening just as the sun was rising over Mt. Shasta.  (Note to anyone who might care - "Pines of Rome" is my favorite piece of classical music, and "Pines of the Appian Way" is my favorite part of it.  It was written by Ottorino Respighi, whose works were a major influence on the style of John Williams, which you can hear quite clearly in this piece, especially in the use of woodwinds. But again, I digress.)

I arrived in beautiful Belmont, CA around 11am, and met up with Felix Krull for our traditional first-day-of-WEEHU brunch. (We've done it twice. Therefore it is now a tradition.)  While I awaited him, I chatted with the Calico via Skype, and was informed that, somewhere in the hotel, a Bannable Offense lingered.  After an exhaustive search (I walked over to the one person using a hotel provided computer to surf tumblr and asked the air "Is there a Bannable Offense within the sound of my voice? Turns out, there was) I located Banny and Felix and I dragged her to brunch with us.  Let me tell you, there is nothing more entertaining after a 10-ish hour drive than watching two highly educated people discuss the failings of our public educational system (as well as the negative impact of a societal expectation that college degree = smarter/better/etc has on some people) over omelettes.  Eventually, we used up all of Felix's lunch hour, and Banny and I went back and hung out in the foyer of the hotel some more.  If I recall correctly, that is when we encountered Dancecode, Unsunng, and W, two out of three whom I'd met the previous July at MEEHU. Others who trickled in while we sat around were Flower (who I'd met at MEEHU) and KnowingSmile, Max and Lily (who I met in September in Seattle), and Orchid-Girl (with whom I'd only chatted online) and AndSleep (who I'd met at WEEHU1.)  And of course Carneggy and Kat.  Who I know because Reasons.

I'm taking the time to point out how I know all these people because as recently as 6 months ago if you'd told me that I'd be attending an event and not only know a lot of people but call them my friends I would have scoffed at you.  It's kind of a big deal for me.

Anyhow, once Carneggy and Kat arrived we got to go up to our room.  I'm pretty sure people were impressed with the amount of stuff that I'd brought - that look on Carneggy's face was totally "I'm impressed" and not "I'm resigned". I'm totally sure. Yes.

Banny wasn't going to have a room until after 5, so she hung out with us, and got to see the grand unveiling of all the shoes, the clothes for Calico, the jewelry, and the Stuff*.  For some reason, she was really impressed with the high-test fishing line, although it sadly never got used for anything.  Did I take advantage of this time to nap?  OF COURSE NOT.  You are talking the crazy talk right now.  (I had been up for only 22 hours or so by this time. Piece of cake!)  Somewhere in all of this, ZanyM and MrDream's plane arrived, and we texted back and forth about the wonders of air travel and rental cars (and also whether or not Zany was going to make it to the hotel in time to ride with me back to the airport to pick up more people. She did not.)  So, right around 4:45 Banny and I went back to the airport to pick up Lee Allure and Lizzidoll.  I am not too proud to admit that I am a much better driver when there is no one else in the car.  I get distracted.  But we eventually made it to the airport, picked up our two lovely passengers, and after running a Very Important Errand involving blindfolds***, made it back to the hotel unscathed.  We collected Carneggy and Kat from where they had been resting and went back to hang out in Lee's rooms to chat until dinner time.  A bunch of us went to dinner at a local Afghan restaurant (which was fantastic) and I got to catch up with even more people who I'd met at previous events, including HypnoMaestro and Mephki.  I somehow ended up sitting next to Lizzidoll rather than Carneggy, Kat, and Heidi (a new friend from Seattle) - mostly because I blindly followed Liz left when I should have turned right, and thus got to have the fun of seeing her totally fangirl when she found out she was sitting across from HypnoMasterD.  I was definitely feeling the fatigue at this point; there were so many different conversations going on around me that I nearly drifted off into trance to compensate.  But only nearly.  After dinner we made it back to the hotel just in time for Lee, Lizzidoll, Zany, and I to practice our Sekrit Projekt before DJ Pynchon arrived.   That lasted all of 15 minutes before Pynch arrived, with the Calico in tow. There were hugs all around, then I ended up spending quite a bit of time in the adjoining room so that I was out of sight of the main room, for reasons that I shall go into in my Day 2 post. I will say that Pynchon also had to use an entire luggage cart for all of his stuff...but I fancy mine was more full.  I spent part of that time frozen like a statue, because why not, right?  But most of it in watching a mindless Lizzidoll make endless circuits between the two rooms.

Which brings us to the Highlight of the Evening.

The Highlight of the Evening
You, Gentle Reader, are hereby invited to imagine first-hand the delightful spectacle of a somewhat absent-minded DJ Pynchon realizing that the dazzling and entranced English Rose his unconscious mind had been preventing him from noticing was in fact the lovely Lizzidoll, come all the way from England for WEEHU.  It was the Best.Surprise.Ever.  They had a marvelous little meeting of minds, which I will admit I got a little spacey watching, and also a little turned on.  (You'd have to be dead to not have been a little turned on.) And that's all I'll say about that.****

Carneggy and Kat were getting over being sick, and I had been up for something like 28 hours at that point, so we toddled off to bed, so that we could be well-rested (for certain definitions of "rest") the next morning.



*the STUFF aka the things I collected that I thought would be useful in some way or another at an erotic hypnosis gathering.

the STUFF
items for goody bags for my Subjects Safe-Space talk
high-test fishing line
electrical tape
standard tape measure
bell (the kind you ring for service at a shop counter, not the kind you ring for service from your servants.)
a leash
plastic covered clips (five for a dollar at the Dollar Tree)
magic markers
curling ribbon
compressed air canister

**what I call Lemon Flavored Paint Thinner. If properly aged, it would have been Limoncello. And I have two other bottles of it that will be marvelous in two months or so. But this stuff...definitely still paint thinner.

***the BLINDFOLDS, a necessary object for anyone participating in a certain brain-washing class later on...

****There will be a participant's version of the Hightlight of the Evening available if there is enough interest. Well, participants? Did you read the footnotes?


A note about footnotes:  I am perfectly well aware that I do not organize my footnotes "properly". I don't care. Thank you, and have a nice day.

Yes, I do actually say "time's a'wastin'" in actual conversation. But that's neither here nor there.

So, recently someone referred to me as "one of the best diarists out there" which kind of blew my mind, and not a little bit because I've neglected that aspect of my writing for a significant time.  You know, the part where I expose myself emotionally (but somewhat anonymously) through trifling words and shaky metaphors, right here where anyone can see it?

It's a little bit different now, you see. People know me now. People whose actions might have inspired my writing will read these words and possibly want to talk about them. Or will want to "fix" whatever it is they think they've done.  And I don't want that.  I want to be able to write here, completely free of self-consciousness, the way I used to, and hopefully still give insights into things that might help someone else at the same time.

So, today we're going to talk about what it's like to have lived as an emotional (and actual) hermit for years, then get involved with a group of wonderful people who are all interested in many of the same things I am; what it feels like to forge friendships within that community, and how it feels to suddenly be wrestling with emotions like envy, jealousy, and my personal favorite, feeling inadequate.

It all stems, weirdly, from having friends that tell me how great I am. How smart, how creative, how talented, how beautiful (more on that insanity in just a little bit), how sexy (and this insanity as well). I know my strengths.  I will give you smart, just not as smart as I'd like to be.  I will give you creative, albeit in a fairly non-earth-shaking way.  I will give you talented; I am fully aware that I am a little bit good at a lot of different things within the creative spectrum.  And I promise to address "beautiful" and "sexy" before the end of this post.

But for now, we're going to talk about how my first reaction to having people tell me how great I am is to say "yes, but." Yes, but if I were really that fantastic, why have most of the people with whom I've tried to be friends in my life turned out to be such asshats?  And then I remember that it's only the people whom I've really let myself get close to emotionally that have been horrible.  It's only the people who convinced me that they were actually sincere that I trusted enough to be hurt by.  I've had lots of people in my life that I can charitably call "friend" who think they know me, who throw the word "friend" around as if they know what it means to me; those people have never done anything to hurt me, are always happy to see me around, and are quite fun to hang out with from time to time, although I suspect that if I ever had a serious need they'd disappear.

Did I just describe the human race?  I'm really not sure.

My pattern my entire life has been to have one close friend - a BFF if you will, although that term certainly didn't exist in 1981 when Kate F----- and I spent the summer playing "girl detective" - she was the detective and I was the sidekick.  I had a different friend every year; for a long time I remembered which year was which by which friend I'd had. First grade was Emily, second grade was Karen, third grade was Irene, fourth grade was Kate, fifth grade was Kerry...the one thing they all had in common was that they moved away after a year.  And I was not good at keeping in touch. If there'd been email, and facebook, and skype, and all the wonders of living in the future, then who knows, but in those days it was far easier for me, the kid with major abandonment issues, to just let them slip away.

But I am digressing.

I had one friend through all of jr high (and she's a whole 'nother kind of story), one friend through high school, one friend in college.  I am a person who always longed for a loving community (see lack of affection from my family) but never found more than one person at a time in whom I could trust.

Then, somewhat miraculously (well it felt like a miracle), I fell in with an extremely close-knit group of people who (bonus!) were all part of the same family, and they sucked me right in.  For the first time I was part of an emotionally demonstrative group that seemed to really really like me, one of whom seemed to be really really attracted to me, (which was convenient, since I was really really attracted to him), and I let them have my heart.

And they crushed it.

This is the pre-hypnosis me.  A lifetime loner, a woman with fears of rejection and abandonment that were off the scale, who'd thought she'd found some sort of community (not realizing that someone wanting you around is not the same as them being good to be around), whose defining emotional characteristic (to her eyes anyway) was life-sucking, bone-breaking, heart-killing loneliness.

I've written enough about my early experiences with erotic hypnosis that I don't feel like I need to go into it again.  Suffice it to say that I had a bad experience emotionally that kept me from feeling like I could trust anyone for a year and a half, then slowly re-emerged into the community and have been getting more and more active and more and more passionate about it ever since.

I have friends again.  I have a community again.  I have people who are worth being hurt for.

Which brings us to WEEHU.

You might recall from previous posts (and if you haven't read them, that's okay too) that I have previously attended the first WEEHU, then skipped a year.  In that year I actually attended MEEHU (in Chicago) which was a genuine life-altering experience for me, and where I really started creating some of the friendships that have come to mean so much to me.

And WEEHU this year was so incredibly fantastic!  You don't really know how invigorating being able to walk with confidence into a room and know in your bones that you aren't going to be judged and rejected is until you've had the experience.  That is what all of the hypno-centric events have become for me - the places I can go and know without any doubt that I am accepted as I am.

I will write actual posts about what I did at WEEHU. This is not that kind of post.  This is the post where I talk about how I felt, and specifically talk about some of the negative feelings that I had to overcome while I was there (and to be honest am still working through) -  which in a weird way tie back into the insanity of anyone thinking I am beautiful and/or sexy. Desirable even. What nonsense is this?

I am so grateful for the things I got to do!  I have never felt more cared for than I did over this weekend. People made such an effort to do wonderful, compassionate things for me that I feel like an ass being upset over the things that didn't get done.

Things that didn't get done in large part due to a lack of assertiveness on my part.  Because even now, in a setting where I feel completely safe and accepted, there is still that part of me that knows that if I remind people of things they committed to I'll be nagging, if I ask for what has been promised I'll be whining, if I suggest that these things are more important than those that are actually being done I'll be called ungrateful and worse, be told that there'd never been a real intention of doing them in the first place.

Two of the three things that didn't happen have been discussed and hopefully replanned and will happen at some other meet-up in some other city, and all parties involved, while still sad that things went awry, are at least now content to await the future.

The third thing has never been discussed. Mostly because I am too insecure to do it face to face, and have resolved to write about it here, where, even though it's an illusion, I can pretend that I have anonymity.

So, let's talk about sex, baby.  (And now you'll have that stuck in your head for awhile.)  Let's talk about you and me. (Just cementing it.)  Let's talk about how easy it is when you're being pulled in so many different directions by so many wonderful people, to just go with the flow and not think about the people who aren't around.  If I were confident and assertive I would have just marched across the hall (as other people were wont to do) and say "Hey, are we doing this or not?  Time's a'wastin'."  Yes, I do actually say "time's a'wastin'" in actual conversation. But that's neither here nor there. But I'm not that girl.

I Am Not That Woman.  I know in my core, to my bones, through every bit of every molecule that makes up my being that I am not attractive, that I am not desirable, that I am not sexy; that what I have to offer is my mind and my voice and my pen, and while those are all fine things they do not inspire someone to say to the svelte and sexy woman in front of them "Hey you know, you're smoking hot and all, but I promised this kind of time to someone else already and I'm going to go find her now."  I get it.  I really do.  But it never stops hurting, knowing that the person that I am (the only kind of person I know how to be) will never be the woman that is thought of without nagging, without reminding, without prompting.

I also am completely aware that I am being ridiculous. That without communication no one ever accomplishes anything and that it was fully within my power to nag, to prompt, to remind - and no one would have taken it negatively.

But I want to be WANTED.  I want to be wanted without having to do that.  And I'm pretty sure at this point that I never will be.  But I can live with it. I've had a lot of practice.

If you've read this far, you've the fortitude of an atomic blast and you should give yourself a huge pat on the back. But carefully, atomic blasts can be volatile.  There will be actual "what I did at WEEHU" posts forthcoming...eventually.

And I'll try to remember to update this particular blog more often than every 4 months.

ClickBate/ClickBait (Story Challenge!)

Soooooooo

The other day I somehow volunteered myself as part of a story-writing challenge with the marvelous DJ Pynchon (and by 'volunteered' I mean agreed when he asked me to do it).  We were inspired by a conversation about clicker training and its applications for erotic hypno-play, and from out of that came something interesting I hope.  As always, this story may not be suitable for reading at work, in front of small-minded people, or possibly dog trainers.

Part 1 – CLICKBATE

“CLICK”

                Darcy sprawled across the couch in her robe and slippers, and glared at Sam. 

“Yes, that’s what I’m talking about!” she said.  “The thing where you click your fingers!  Every time you click I lose track of what I was saying, and it’s starting to get irritating!”  She did her best to stare Sam into apologizing.  “When I agreed to let you try to hypnotize me I didn’t realize that you were going to tease me instead.”

“There is no ‘try’ happening here, Darcy, only ‘do’.  I’ve been putting you under since lunch, you just don’t remember it.”

“Oh please, there’s no way that can be true.  I’d know it if we’d been here all day long.”  Darcy checked the clock, which read 9:27.

“Really?  And you’re in your robe because?”

“Obviously because it’s still morning and I haven’t dressed yet.”  She sat up straight, causing the robe to gape.

“And the reason you have nothing on under your robe is?”

“Sam, you know you stopped me on my way to showering to issue your little challenge.”  She put her hands on her hips defiantly, arching her back and exposing her breasts.

“And the reason you’re posing for me like that is?”

“Because you have hypnotized me into being an exhibitionist tart.”  On the word ‘tart’, Darcy slumped back into the couch, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

“CLICK”

                Darcy sprawled across the couch in her robe and slippers, and stared at Sam.

                “You keep doing that clicking thing with your fingers, right when I’m about to say something really important, it’s really annoying never getting to finish what I’m saying.”  She did her best to glare at Sam, but she kept getting distracted by the large clock over the fireplace.  “It’s already 9:30?  Have you been trying to hypnotize me all morning?”

“I don’t have to try, Darcy, you’ve made it so easy for me.  And I’ve been hypnotizing you all day, you just don’t remember.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m in my robe, it’s still morning.”  She sat up straight in order to better show off her bathrobe.

“And the reason you have nothing on under your robe is?”

“Because as soon as you give up I’m going to shower, of course.”  Darcy slid her robe off her shoulders, letting it pool around her lap.

“And the reason you’re showing me your breasts right now?”

“Because you’ve hypnotized me into wanting to be naked for you.” Darcy slumped back into the couch, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

“CLICK”

Darcy sprawled across the couch in only her slippers, and tried to focus her eyes on Sam.

“Do you have to keep clicking at me like that?  I forgot what I was going say.”  She breathed deeply, and settled into the couch a little more firmly.  “What time is it anyway?  Are you going to try to hypnotize me soon?

“I have already hypnotized you Darcy.  You just don’t remember.”

“What?  No, I just got up just now, look, I haven’t dressed yet.”  She struggled to sit up, leaning heavily on the arm of the couch.

“And the reason you aren’t wearing your robe anymore would be?”

“Duh.  I haven’t put it on yet.”  Darcy  swayed back and forth in time to her words, swinging her breasts.

“And the reason you’re making sure I really get a good look at your tits right now is?”

“Because you’ve hypnotized me into loving having you look at my tits.” Darcy slumped back into the couch, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

“CLICK”

Darcy sprawled across the couch and blinked dully at Sam.

“Um, did you do the click thing again?  I have to tell you something.”  She concentrated hard on remembering what she wanted to say.  “It’s really important.”

“I have to do the click thing Darcy, it’s part of me hypnotizing you.”

“Oo are you hypnotizing me?  That sounds fun.”  Darcy smiled brightly at Sam.

“Do you want to put some clothes on first?”

“But I want to be naked and horny!” She whined.

“And you want to be naked and horny why?”

“Because you’ve hypnotized me into being your horny little slut!”  Darcy slumped back into the couch, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

“CLICK”

Darcy sprawled across the couch and floated in the bliss of being near Sam.

“This is fun, do it again!” she begged.  “I love when you make me feel all warm and floaty and horny!”

“That’s a good girl, Darcy. Happy to have me hypnotizing you?”

“Oh god yes!  I’m so horny I just want you to make me feel good!” She wriggled on the couch, using her body to invite Sam to fuck her.

“Darcy, it looks like you are trying to tell me something.  What is it?”

“Oh Sam, I want you to fuck me, can you fuck me? Now? Please?”  Darcy pleaded with Sam.

“Darcy, why are you asking me to fuck you?”

“Because I want you to fuck me!”  she explained breathlessly.

“And why do you want me to fuck you?”

“Because I asked you to hypnotize me into being a sex-crazed bimbo!”  Darcy slumped back into the couch, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

“CLICK”

Part 2 – CLICKBAIT

Sam parked in the driveway of Alyssa’s house, and congratulated himself again on finding a play partner who liked hypnosis as much as he did.  He had been sitting at a table alone at the student union coffee shop watching people pass by when she had come up behind him, tapping him on the top of his head and making him jump a foot into the air.

“Watcha reading there, Sam-I-am?” she asked.  “Looks like a big dry text book!  We can’t have that, it’s practically the weekend!” 

“It’s a book about hypnosis,” he’d told her, “I’m reading it for an extra credit project for Psych 101.”

It had turned out that Alyssa had been interested in hypnosis ever since watching “The Jungle Book” in grade school.  “Something about Kaa, those swirly snake eyes, it pushed all my buttons before I even knew what that meant.  I’ve been finding people to hypnotize me ever since!”

Sam couldn’t believe his luck, running into a beautiful girl who got off on hypnosis and was willing to let him practice on her.  He’d asked her if she wanted to meet up the following weekend and she’d enthusiastically agreed, and now here he was at her doorstep.  His knock at the door was answered by a cacophony of barking.

“Sam!  Hi!  Don’t mind the dogs, they love to say hello to people.”  She ushered him through the front door into the presence of two twitching and excited border collies.  “This is Mollie,” she said, pointing to the smaller, slightly fox-faced dog, “and this is Tippie.”  The larger dog barked once when she heard her name, and stared adoringly at Alyssa.  “They really belong to my parents, but I’m dog-sitting while they are out of town.  Come all the way in, they wouldn’t hurt a fly.”  She led Sam through the kitchen and into the living room, pausing to retrieve a small gadget from off the counter.  “We’ve just been working on a little obedience training while we waited for you.”

“Do they need training? They seem so well behaved.”  Both dogs were sitting intently at Alyssa’s feet, obviously waiting for something.

“Oh yes, I keep working with them so they won’t forget their lessons.  My folks kind of let them do whatever they want, which includes things like jumping on people and barking at nothing, so I help train them pretty much weekly. Today we are really concentrating on being calm around strangers.”

“How does the gadget fit into all of this?”

“Oh, this?” she said, holding it up.  “This is a clicker.  Instead of rewarding them with a treat when they’ve accomplished a task, I click it.  Eventually they learn to associate the “click” with the task itself.”

“So when you click they know to do the task?  Instead of having to be coached to do it?”

“Exactly!”

“That sounds exactly like you’re hypnotizing them to respond to a trigger, like snapping your fingers or something.”

“You know, it does, I hadn’t really thought of that.  But you’ve reminded me of why you’re really here,” she said with a smile. “I’ll just let these two out to play in the yard and be right back.  Help yourself to something to drink if you want.”  She opened the slider door to the yard.  “Come on doggles! Time to scare bunnies out of the garden!”  The two dogs ran for the door, sliding on the hardwood floor and careening outside.  “There,” Alyssa said as she closed the door, “Now we can work without feeling like we’re being stared at.  Let’s go sit.”

*    *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    

“All right, Alyssa,” Sam said after she had made herself comfortable on the couch in the living room, “We’ll do this just like we talked about at the coffee shop.  Go ahead and close your eyes if you want to, and just relax and listen to my voice.”  He talked her through a brief relaxation exercise and was pleased to see her breathing start to slow and deepen almost immediately.  “Now, Alyssa, I know you’ve done this before, I know you know how it feels to slow down and relax.  I know you know how it feels to let the world become still around you and inside you while you relax and listen to my voice.

“I know you know that the deeper you go the better you feel, and the better you feel the deeper you go.  Just repeat that for me now while you concentrate on your breathing.”

Alyssa took a deep breath, held it, and let it out.  “The deeper I go the better I feel.”  She took another deep breath in the same way.  “The better I feel the deeper I go.”  Sam let her repeat herself for several repetitions, then began to speak again. 

“As you keep breathing and repeating, Alyssa, I want you to imagine you are in a hallway.  At the end of the hallway is a door.  As you keep breathing and repeating, I’d like you to walk to that door, open it, and walk through.  When you’ve walked through the door, leave the words “the deeper I go the better I feel and the better I feel the deeper I go’ behind you and shut the door.”  He eagerly watched as her quiet chanting slowed, then stopped.  “Very good Alyssa.  Have you shut the door behind you?”

“Yes,” she said distinctly. 

“That’s interesting,” thought Sam, breathing deeply, “I always have trouble speaking clearly when I am hypnotized.”  He watched Alyssa breath for a little while longer, enjoying how the synchronicity of breathing with her made him feel. 

“Alyssa, there is another doorway at the end of the hall.  Can you see it?”

“Yes. I can see it.”

“I’d like you to walk through that doorway as well, and tell me when you’ve gone through and shut it behind you.”  He thought about how being hypnotized always made him feel a little warm, like he’d been basking in the sun, as he waited for her to speak.

“Okay, I’m through it.” She said.

“Good girl.”  Sam started to continue, but suddenly all his carefully planned words were gone.

“Good girl,” he repeated, stalling for time.

“Good girl,” he said for the third time, and had to close his eyes as a wave of disorientation hit him.

“Why would I want to be a good girl when I can be a bad girl?” asked Alyssa.  “Open your eyes Sam, and look at me.”  Sam struggled to open his eyes.  Alyssa was sitting up and looking at him, all the while breathing slowly and deeply. 

“Yes, Sam, I am still hypnotized.  This is one of my fantasies, having us both be hypnotized together.  Do you remember at the student union, when we talked about our fantasies?”

(“wouldn’t that be amazing?” she had said, looking deeply into his eyes. “both of us going down together?”  he had agreed and looked into her eyes, and been unable to look away.)

“Yes,” he said.  He could feel himself slipping deeper as he thought about the conversation.  She had said something about being deep and being triggered and

Click

“That’s very good Sam, remembering us talking together about being hypnotized makes you feel more and more hypnotized right now.  And as you go deeper I go deeper.”  Alyssa shivered with arousal.

“Sam, do you remember at the student union, when we counted each other down?”

(“no one will even notice,” she had said.  “I’ll start. ten.” and they had continued to count down, alternating numbers, until Sam had started to feel distinctly woozy.)

“Yes,” he said, remembering more.  She had used the clicker then, hadn’t she? He began counting down.

Click

“I bet you’re counting down right now, remembering it.  I am counting down too.” Alyssa moaned a little as Sam carefully started counting from ten to one, mouthing the words silently.

“Sam, do you remember at the student union, I said I would help you fulfill your fantasy?”

(“it’ll be so great.” She had said.  “you’ll hypnotize me and I’ll go deep, and you’ll fall with me.  fall so so deep without even knowing it.  you’ll call me a good girl when you are ready to have your fantasy fulfilled.”)

“Yes,” he said. His cock twitched as he remembered and heard

Click

“Very good Sam, you’re doing so well. You’re making me wet right now, you’re turning me on so much, and the more turned on I am the more turned on you’ll be.”  She unzipped her jeans and slid her hand down into her wetness.

“Sam, do you remember at the student union telling me how to get you to cum?”

(after they had finished counting, they had imagined the kink that they each wanted to explore, and when she heard Sam’s, Alyssa had said “mmm, I love that idea, I’m getting turned on already, and as I get more turned on you get more turned on.”)

“Yes,” he said, his cock throbbing in his jeans.  He could hardly wait for the next

Click

“Oh my god Sam, this is so hot, I’m getting so close to cumming, I’m getting so fucking close!”  She fingered her clit rapidly, gasping for breath.

“Do you remember…ooohhhh…Sam, do you remember, at the student union, agreeing to let me give you an orgasm trigger for when we played together?”

(she had been very stern as she told him that he would only cum when she told him he could.  he hadn’t minded.)

“Yes,” he said, his breathing gasping and ragged, but still in time with her.  They both gasped together as they heard

Click

“In just a moment, Sam, oh god, in just a moment Sam we’re going to cum together, we’re going to cum together, all you have to do is remember what you told me your fantasy was.” She arched her back and continued to moan as she fingered herself.

“Sam, Sam, Sam do you remember telling me what your fantasy was? Do you remember?”

(you’ll scream them for me, Sam, three little words and when you do you’ll cum and when you cum I’ll cum”

“Yes,” he said, feeling his need grow as he listened to her writhe in front of him.

“Do it now Sam, now Sam so we can cum!”  she ordered him and

Click

“Bait…” he gasped…

                                                                “and”

                                                                                                                “switch!”

Click